so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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