He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
