I puked a lego.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
