just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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