i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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