Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
