Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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