sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
