If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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