Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
