I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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