It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
