I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
