I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there's paper in my vomit.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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