dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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