her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
