Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
