When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
