shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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