Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
