I smell stomach acid.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
