i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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