and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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