Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
