My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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