did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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