Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
