Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
