saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
