hotel room ftw
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize