Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My vagina just clenched in fear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
