I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
