On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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