Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
