it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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