I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
