This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
