dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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