I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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