i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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