I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
