im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
