Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
