it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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