I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize