Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
