Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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