I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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