ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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