Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
