ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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