This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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