I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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