In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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