woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize