in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
