He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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