Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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