And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
