just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
