Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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