I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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