awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
