I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
