Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
