Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
