Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
false alarm. still invincible.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Even my vagina gasped.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
