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Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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