Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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