Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
