I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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