I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
