two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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