Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
