What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
