i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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